Currently I am suffering from a mixed episode, where ups and downs of the mode are frequent, these mode swings are accompanied with rise in the sexual appetite .
Because of my severe ups and downs, I had a fight with my immediate family, they are tough gang, although they suffered a lot with my illness but they are not quite supportive, in any fight they call me crazy and this word break my nerves, it turns me into a violent beast, I attack them in the nastiest way you can imagine, I use the dirtiest swears, I forget all the Islamic teachings about the love of the family and relatives. I really feel bad because I am not blessed by a supportive family, my mum thinks I am pretending and I have full control over my mode, my sister always blame me for taking her time while she was studying the high school diploma, my brother do the same , he accuses me that my episode made him fail his test.
I know I am not responsible for the sadness they went through but I also know that I need love , I need to feel the support and I need to feel secure. I hated when my extended family did not bother to ask about me for a complete year after being hospitalized, they all lied and believed the lie, they were convinced that I am abroad, while I was weak and unable to appear as a normal person, I hate that my uncle, who has been the best dad I ever had said to me I do not believe in science and I believe in your agency, he thought I can defeat my brain chemistry. I am not a super women or a weak woman, I need to feel that I am sick and I can survive .
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