My dad was a great man, he was indeed .
He died sick , alone and in pain, because he was mentally and physiologically disabled. He belonged to a family with history of mental illness and huge sense of denial as well, he was bipolar like me, he had all the mode swings, my mum suffered with him, he used to beat her and us in the low mode episode and pamper us and take us around the country in the high mode episodes .
After a big crisis in work he developed depression, he loved to stay alone for hours and not to communicate with anyone. I remember his last year, he took us to the seaside and we had loads of fun, he was happy that I scored a huge number in my high school diploma , he took my young brother to football matches and he was so sweet with my sister as well.
In his last night, I asked him to bring my a video cassette to watch it, I went to my tutorial class and returned back home and asked him where is my video? He was so cute he said: Fattou you did not say the name of the movie in English, I forget the French name and we ended up watching a TV series. He hugged me although we used to have issues with physical manifestations of love, I felt something wrong is going on. I slept and I wake up on the screams of my neighbors who are in the same time my dad extended family. He committed suicide by throwing himself from the seventh floor. He was dead and he left us to a vicious family, the family refused that he was sick and died because of his sickness, they accused my mum that she killed him, mama was alone , broken hearted with three orphans when she was still a beautiful women in her fourth decade.
Daddy died and I will follow him on day, I do not want to die alone like him, I do not want pain to kill me, I need security and medicine to fight the evil disease .
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